Archive

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

HOW TO WRITE GOOD

October 13th, 2010 2 comments

Avoid alliteration. Always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

Employ the vernacular.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Contractions aren’t necessary.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

One should never generalize.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

Be more or less specific.

Understatement is always best.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

The passive voice is to be avoided.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Not registered with eBay?
Click to sign up

PROGRESS ASSESSMENT GRADE 3 READING WRITING MCGRAW HILL
US $1.99 (0 Bid)
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:24:27 PST
Bid now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
Gymboree,12/18 months, White Top with Little Mittens and Writing on the front
US $1.99 (0 Bid)
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:24:32 PST
Bid now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
WRITE, CAMERA, ACTION! (CD-ROM) READING & EXPRESSIVE
US $8.99
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:25:10 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $8.99
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
Original HindenBurg Press Photo Stamped 1936 Interior Reading & Writing Room
US $99.00
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:25:30 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $99.00
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
Sacred Writings - The Apocrypha and New Testament LiNew
US $22.95
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:26:15 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $22.95
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
How to Write a Great Research Paper: A Step-By-Step Gui
US $5.95
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:26:22 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $5.95
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
NEW The Future Catches Up: Selected Writings of Ralph M
US $27.67
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:26:49 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $27.67
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
2 Tall Ceramic MUGS or Steins, German Writing and Pictures
US $19.97 (0 Bid)
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:27:18 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $24.97
Bid now | Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
NEW Story Dynamics: Dramatic Writing for Film and Telev
US $35.07
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:28:06 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $35.07
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details
Writing Research Papers, Jeannette A. Woodward, Good Co
US $4.99
End Date: Friday Feb-10-2012 20:28:31 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $4.99
Buy it now | Add to watch list
Click for more details

Categories: Funny Tags: , ,

Rules of Combat

October 7th, 2010 No comments
  • Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two.
  • Bring all of your friends who have weapons.
  • Bring their friends who have weapons.
  • Anthing worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
  • Only hits count. Close don’t count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
  • If your shooting stance is good you’re probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.
  • Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (lateral and diagonal movement are preferred).
  • If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weapon and a friend with a big weapon.
  • In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn’t.
  • If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
  • Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependeant on “pucker factor” than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
  • Use a weapon that works EVERY TIME. “All skill is in vain when an angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket”
  • Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
  • In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
  • Have a plan.
  • Have back-up plan, because the first one won’t work.
  • Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
  • Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
  • Don’t drop your guard.
  • Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
  • Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.)
  • Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
  • The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
  • Be courteous to everyone, freindly to no one.
  • Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
  • Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitiment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
  • Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with at least a “4″.

    • Not registered with eBay?
    Click to sign up

    Red Baron: Air Combat of the First World War (Rules for Historical Miniatures ..
    US $21.85
    End Date: Friday Feb-17-2012 11:44:14 PST
    Buy It Now for only: US $21.85
    Buy it now | Add to watch list
    Click for more details
    G.I Combat : Battle of Normandy – PC Game – CDR – Rules
    US $9.95
    End Date: Monday Feb-20-2012 12:19:23 PST
    Buy It Now for only: US $9.95
    Buy it now | Add to watch list
    Click for more details

    Categories: Funny, Military Tags: , , , , ,

    All the Single Babies

    October 7th, 2010 No comments

    If this does not make you smile, there is something wrong with you.

    Categories: Funny, Video Tags: , ,

    The Crab and the Lobster

    October 7th, 2010 No comments

    A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.

    “It’ll never work, honey.” he says to her. “Crabs walk side- ways and we walk straight.”

    “Please,” she begs her father. “Just meet him once. I know you’ll like him.”

    Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.

    The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloved’s family. He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!

    On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can.

    Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter…..

    “I knew it! Here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”

    Categories: Funny Tags:

    Logorama – Coolest Video EVER!

    July 5th, 2010 No comments

    Now this is cool.   Part of it is sad though when you think about the world is being influenced by product logos.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81d8SUaCMJo&hd=1

    Categories: Cool Stuff, Funny, Video Tags: ,

    Crappy Product of the Day – Handsome Guy Mask

    July 5th, 2010 No comments

    Who needs plastic surgery when you can just buy a mask.  Tom Cruise could have used one of these in Vanilla Sky.

    Categories: For Sale, Freaky, Funny, Video Tags: ,

    Gayest Video of The Week – California Gurls?????

    July 3rd, 2010 No comments

    Man…..this was my favorite summer 2010 song until I saw this!

    Categories: Funny, Sex, Video Tags:

    Lost Pet Sign of the Day

    July 3rd, 2010 No comments

    Good luck! – Click for full size.

    Categories: Funny Tags: ,

    Best Urinal Sign EVAH!!!

    July 2nd, 2010 No comments

    No comment needed.  Click for full size

    Categories: Funny Tags: , ,

    The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time

    July 2nd, 2010 No comments

    Categories: Cool Stuff, Funny Tags: ,